My Beautiful Gift of God
July 26th, 2023
The day our world shattered.
Our beautiful gift of God, Eden Grace, was stillborn at almost 16 weeks.
We were scheduled for an amniocentesis that day to confirm or deny if she had Trisomy 13. No family history, we are both healthy and take care of ourselves holistically, yet she was our 1 in 16,000 extraordinarily beautiful baby girl that we are honored to be her mommy and daddy.
However, there were different plans for that morning as I was rushed to the hospital via ambulance. I'll spare you all the details.
The department that came, I knew everyone since it was the fire department I grew up in. It gave me some comfort in knowing I wasn't alone while my mom and husband drove ahead, so the ambulance wasn't so crowded.
The days and weeks leading up to her passing were hard, days I knew something wasn't right, and constantly questioning why, what did I do wrong, praying for miracles.
I think part of me died with her, too. However, I'm beyond grateful for our friends and family who have been by our side through this.
Some days are easier than others, at times I don't know how to ask for help or support, but I'm learning to nurture me more and to hold my son and husband a little extra tight. Ultimately, I am learning to slow down and truly nurture me.
I'm healing, I'm grieving, I'm holding myself together, I'm giving myself space and grace, and I'm choosing to turn this pain and darkness into something extraordinarily beautiful in her honor.
I never in my life imagined I would have to experience this heartbreak, yet here we are. The most intimate knowing of death.
We wanted her to come earthside on her due date, yet a lifetime was ripped away from us. A lifetime of holding our sweet Eden, a lifetime of memories a lifetime of watching her and Michael grow up together. All ripped away from us.
I am incredibly grateful I got to hold her one more time at the hospital and incredibly grateful for all the EMTs, paramedic, doctor and nurses who took care of me and my baby girl that early, early morning. I am incredibly grateful for them holding my mom and my husband. And we are incredibly grateful for the funeral home for making everything as smooth as possible so we could get her back home with us.
Hold your angels tight in your heart and hug your babes extra tight, look for the beauty around you in this pain, and always know you are never alone, sweet Mama.
Let your hope be restored.
Let your faith be renewed.
Let your light be re-lit.
Love,
A fellow mama
P.S- Mama, I would love to invite you to come join our free online community. This space is for mamas of all walks of life who simply want community and to feel seen and heard. This is for the expecting mamas, the new mamas, the experienced mamas, and for all the mamas who have lost their sweet precious babes. I want you to know that even if you have lost a sweet precious babe, whether stillbirth, miscarriage, infant loss, or even had to make a heartbreaking decision please k now that you are still a mother, you still deserve to feel supported in all ways. Click HERE to join our free online community, The Nurtured Well Mama!
